THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS: Part 18. Should Weariness Be Announced?

Part 18. Should Weariness Be Announced?

A series about starting over gently, honestly, and without apology

There is a sacred tension that resides between transparency and timing, between the desire to be known and the desire to be safe, between the ache to be seen and the wisdom to be still.

Weariness is real and it can be overwhelming. Sometimes it comes as a weight that seems to engulf your being, it tramples on you and pushes you to a lonely corner. That period can be a blend of several thoughts, discouragement, sorrow, hidden tears and a voice nudging you to stand still and fight your way through, not giving up. That period can also have a voice in your head nudging you to give up. You want to fight for your victory, but you find it difficult to lay hands on the courage and strength you need. You feel like you’re losing it.

You show up with a smile, but deep within, your heart is tearing apart, bleeding profusely and seeking a helping hand. You encourage others, even when you need that same encouragement. You know the right words to encourage yourself, but you just need someone to sit with you and say those words to you. You want people to know what’s going on with you, but you’re concerned if your story will be safe in their hands. You’re going through a lot, situations that can be easily misunderstood. You want to be seen but not misunderstood. You don’t want your weariness to be labelled as weakness. Amid all these, one question resounds: should weariness be announced? And if so, to whom?

Yes, weariness should be announced, but it must be announced to the right person(s). The fact that you’re weary doesn’t mean you’re weak. Weariness concealed can be disastrous, it can lead to the breaking point, and then the breaking itself as discussed in earlier chapters. Weariness is a delicate moment that needs to be handled with care and caution.

Not Everyone Can Hold Your Ache

Some people only want your vulnerability just for the sake of entertaining themselves. Others just want it so they can control you. Some just want to know, not because they care, but so they can be the one to tell you what you should or shouldn’t have done. Out of courtesy, some will ask if you’re okay, but courtesy isn’t the same as readiness. They want the comfort of asking, not the weight of hearing. The question is easy; the answer might not be. They want the polite ritual, not the raw truth. Out of courtesy, someone may ask if you’re okay. Yet courtesy can be a shield, it spares them from the depth of your reality, while leaving you alone with it.

Some people are aware you’re going through a tough situation, but they will never ask if you’re okay, nor will they try to find out how you’re coping. Some will end up weaponizing your weariness just to write their own narratives, reinterpreting it to fit their idea of you and their agenda. They can portray you as incapable, weak or even use it to confirm a story they want to tell about you. They only see and explain situations from their own perspective without trying to place themselves in your shoes. They don’t try to relate with what you’re going through; all they want to do is see it and explain their own way. They can be judgmental.

On the other hand, there are those who are the safe ones, the ones who will not flinch when you say, “I’m not okay.” The ones who are willing to go the extra mile to find out if you’re okay or not, even when you tell them you’re okay. The ones who are ready to sit with you despite their busy schedule and just allow you to pour out your weariness. The ones who are willing and ready to give a listening ear, they also try to place themselves in your shoe to relate with what you’re going through. They speak not from a judgmental view, but from a place of care and wisdom. Some of them may not really understand what you’re going through, but they’re available to offer their one cent of encouragement.

Not everyone should know what’s going on with you, but you should have someone or some persons you can share your pain with. Even Jesus in the bible didn’t share His sorrow with the crowd. At a point, He didn’t even share it with all His twelve disciples, rather, He took Peter, James and John into the Garden of Gethsemane, and communicated to them the fact that His soul was overwhelmed with sorrow, even to the point of death. Matthew 26 verse 38. He didn’t perform strength, He was vulnerable with them, He didn’t hide His ache, rather, he chose His circle.

Speak to those who are willing to listen first, not trying to fix you without listening to you. Talk to those who are willing to pray with you and still personally go on their knees to pray and intercede on your behalf. Speak to those who see your soul, not just your service. Talk to those who are discerning without being distrustful; they are thoughtful and cautious without closing their hearts.

And when no one feels safe, there’s someone who already knows and totally understands what you’re going through. He is Jesus, the one we should cast all our burdens on because He is more than capable of sustaining us. He shouldn’t be our last option; He should be the first. However, He’s always ready to help us even when no one can.

Dear reader, you don’t have to announce your weariness to the world, but you must not carry it alone. Hebrews 4 verse 15 (The Message Translation) says, “We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin.”

Psalm 55 verse 22 (The Message Translation) says, "Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out. He’ll never let good people topple into ruin."

Dear reader, reflect on the following:

1. Do you have people in your life who can hold your truth without judgment? If yes, who are they? List them.
2. In your weary state, have you been announcing it to the wrong audience or to the right ones?
3. What would it look like to bring your weariness to God first? Allow Jesus to carry your burden, no matter how small or big it may seem, and no matter how many they are. He is capable, willing and ready. Trust Him.

Remember, JS Havilah cares about you, yes, you!

Part 19 of THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS is quietly on its way.

Come back for every installment.
Come back to remember you are not alone.
Come back, not to catch up, but to catch your breath.

Still becoming,

JS Havilah