THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS: Part 19. Walking Without the Wound Leading

Part 19. Walking Without the Wound Leading

A series about starting over gently, honestly, and without apology

True healing is a process. You’re not perfectly healed when the pain of your wound dictates how you walk. Many times, we wear our wounds as though they are name tags. We let those wounds become the criteria by which we introduce ourselves. You’re not supposed to introduce yourself by what broke you. Don’t let the pain you went through narrate your worth, it should never narrate your peace, and don’t allow it to dictate your posture.

True healing is not only about what happened, neither is it only about the process that produced the healing. True healing goes a long way to reflect on how you live. The way you live your life and lead others is a reflection, it will let us know if you’re truly healed or not.

Don’t Let Your Wound Lead You

Your wound is real, but it’s not the leader. The ugly situation you went through is real, but it shouldn’t lead you. You are in charge of your life; you are the leader. Whatever broke you intruded into your space, don’t give it the chance to rule over you.

Your life might have taken a different turn due to what happened, that’s a fact, but don’t let that situation define who you are. Jacob in the bible wrestled with God and walked away limping. However, that limping didn’t define him, rather, his definition was rooted in the blessing he received (Genesis 32 verse 28), and that blessing not only defined him, but it also defined his future and that of his descendants. He never placed his focus on his limping, rather, his gaze was fixed on the blessing, because that was his identity, and that focus he had shaped his life from that moment. He allowed the blessing to lead, not his limping. If he had focused on his limping situation, he would have robbed himself of some great blessings and achievements. Whatever you focus on is what will shape your life and future.

Dear reader, you may walk differently now, your life may have acquired a scar, and you know it cannot be erased. However, I want you to know that you are not your trauma, you are not your past. You are not the wound that broke you, rather, you are the one who lived through it. You are the one who survived that ugly situation. You are the Daniel who was thrown into the lion’s den and came out alive (Chapter 6 of the book of Daniel). You are the three Hebrew boys thrown into the fiery furnace but were never consumed by the fire (Chapter 3 of the book of Daniel). You are the Joseph thrown into the prison but was never consumed by the prison (Chapter 39-41 of the book of Genesis). Dear reader, what happened doesn’t matter, what matters is who you are and your knowledge of it.

Irrespective of what happened to Joseph in the bible, his dreams came to pass. Irrespective of the humiliation Daniel and the three Hebrew boys had to gulp down their throats, their focus on their identity paved the way for them, gave glory to God, and served as examples to several generations after them. They didn’t focus on the fact that they became slaves from captivity, their focus was on their identity.

What’s The Way Forward?

1. Let Your Scar Speak, But It Shouldn’t Shout.

Your past is real, acknowledge it, but never allow it to control you. You can learn from your past, it can be a good teacher but never allow that voice to shout so loudly such that it dominates or consumes your identity and future.

Feel free to share your story, but don’t live trapped in it. You can share it to help others, but it shouldn’t be something you recount everyday. Never let it cloud your decisions. Your scar is a sign of survival, not an ongoing pain. Therefore, you must let the story of your healing be louder than the story of your hurt. Never let your scar make you glide back into bitterness, self-protection or fear. Allow it to guide you, use it as wisdom, not a weapon.

Dear reader, your past should inform you, it should never rule over you. I encourage you to go back and read Chapter 14 of this series, it talks about “The Voice of Your Scar.”

2. Your Story Should Be a Testimony, Not A Trap.

Your story is a compilation of your mistakes, pain, healing, victories, and lessons learnt. It should propel you forward, not keeping you stuck. Don’t let your story become chains that tie you down, preventing you from moving forward.

It happened, and that’s a fact, but the greater fact is that it didn’t stop you. Therefore, keep moving forward. Your story should empower you; it should never imprison you. Also, don’t use your story to prevent others from moving forward.

3. Let Grace Lead, Not Grief.

What guides your life after disappointment, pain and loss shouldn’t be grief, rather, it should be grace. You should move with compassion to yourself and towards others. It should be easier for you to discern and decode people going through what you went through even when they’re trying to hide it, and when you find out, respond with wisdom; in a compassionate way, let them know you have been wounded but you’re still growing. Don’t just say that to people, also say it to yourself.

Grief is real, but when it becomes the driver of your life, you will remain stuck. Never allow heartbreaks to guide you, healing should do that. Allow what God is doing in your life to lead you, not what you lost, not what broke you. You’re not pretending it never happened, you’re just refusing to let it take the wheel of your life.

A Prayer for Forward Grace

Lord Jesus, please teach me to walk in healing.

I don’t want to walk in denial; I desire to walk in freedom.

I don’t want to walk in fear, what I want is to walk in faith.

Let my limping remind me of Your mercy, not my shame.

Because whoever you set free is free indeed, free from shame.

Let my steps become steady, even if they’re slow.

I accept You as my personal Lord and Savior.

Come into my heart and make it new.

I am not what happened to me and I will never be what happened to me.

I am who You’re restoring me to be.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

Thank you for saying that prayer. Remember, JS Havilah cares about you, yes, you!

Part 20 of THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS is quietly on its way.

Come back for every installment.
Come back to remember you are not alone.
Come back, not to catch up, but to catch your breath.

Still becoming,

JS Havilah