Part 11. The Invitation to Heal
A series about starting over gently, honestly, and without apology
When a person is broken, reckoning is very painful. It can be very messy because you must face your shattered pieces, commune and sift through them. However, within that painful confrontation lies a quiet offering: the opportunity to heal.
In the previous part/chapter, we discussed “Reckoning” which is a very vital process preceding healing. Healing does not wipe off what has been revealed during the process of reckoning; it honors it. Healing is a voice whispering to you, asking you to listen to what the process of reckoning has revealed. Healing beckons on you to feel the revealed, and within your pain, choose restoration over repression. Don’t push away the pain without tackling it, if you do so, you’re just indirectly creating a quiet weight that keeps your scream from surfacing, and one day, that deep seated pain will revolt. That weight will one day give way, and your scream will erupt, pervading every corner you had hidden it from.
Whatever you might have gone through, no matter the depth of pain you experienced, whether you had physical tears streaming down your cheeks, or yours was more of internal tears flooding every corner of your heart, whether it was your fault or born of another’s fault, I want you to know this truth: You deserve to heal.
Pain hidden is pain reserved, it can bite, it can sting, it can consume, and it can devour. No one deserves that, not you, not even the source of your pain. One thing we need to come to terms with is the truth that “a hurting person will end up hurting others, and the cycle will continue until it is intercepted by healing.”
Healing is a process; you don’t have to rush it, and if you do rush it, you’ll just end up with a half-baked healing which cannot be called true healing. You don’t have to perform or display some skills to the world to indicate you’re on a healing journey. In fact, you don’t have to be strong right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re weak either. Previous parts/chapters of this series already addressed the fact that you’re not weak because you broke.
I’m personally extending an invitation to you; an invitation to heal. This is not an invitation to heal perfectly, neither is it an invitation to heal quickly, it is an invitation to heal honestly.
True healing is birthed the moment you choose to breathe, to speak, and to stand, even when it hurts. True healing displays in your actions, not just your heart.
Something we must understand is the fact that healing doesn’t necessarily wipe off the pain. What it does is help you live and thrive irrespective of the pain. This is so because not all pains can be totally wiped off. Healing helps you not just to exist, but to live and thrive unapologetically through the pain. You’re not static, you’re moving. You’re not surviving, you’re evolving. You’re thriving without guilt, without shame and without asking permission from anybody. You’re holding strength without losing grace.
What Does It Mean to Hold Strength Without Losing Grace?
It simply means you’re unshakable without being unkind. You’re standing firm, but you’re not harsh. You’re protecting your boundaries but still moving with dignity and kindness. You’re grounded in your truth while remaining open, elegant and emotionally intelligent. That is what it means to hold strength without losing grace, and that’s true healing.
True healing doesn’t erase the scar; it strengthens and helps you live with it. It helps you honor your scar; it enables you to allow your pain and its scar to shape you without defining you. It helps you forgive, and afterwards when your eyes behold the source of your pain or scar, your heart doesn’t ignite with anger, not even a tiny bit. That is true healing, in its most practical form.
Remember, healing is a process, you can take your time. You’re allowed to cry; you’re just being human. You’re allowed to ask for help; this is very important. You’re allowed to be broken (if it happens) and still be worthy of love, grace and restoration.
Once again, I’m personally extending an invitation to you; an invitation to heal. This is not an invitation to heal perfectly, neither is it an invitation to heal quickly, it is an invitation to heal honestly.
The Difference Between Healing Perfectly and Healing Honestly
To heal perfectly is a flawless recovery; one without scars, no setbacks, and no prolonged pain. This healing is driven by expectations and/or performance. When you feel you should have gone past or be over with something. Healing perfectly is a healing presented as polished; it can sometimes be performative; the healing that looks good from the outside. This is the type that aligns with a timeline and/or a checklist.
To heal honestly is the kind of healing that embraces the mess and the vulnerability. It is always raw, imperfect, and always true to experience. This healing gives room for opposite truths like experiences and emotions that clash, but both remain valid parts of healing. This healing gives room for strength and sorrow, progress and relapse. This type of healing has no intention to impress; all it yearns for is to be real.
In conclusion, healing perfectly is the kind of healing that puts on a mask while healing honestly is the kind that breaks the mask. One seeks the applause of men, while the other seeks truth.
I invite you to heal, not perfectly, but honestly.
Remember, JS Havilah cares about you, yes, you!
Part 12 of THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS is quietly on its way.
Come back for every installment.
Come back to remember you are not alone.
Come back, not to catch up, but to catch your breath.
Still becoming,
JS Havilah
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