THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS: Part 9. The Sacred Space of Brokenness

Part 9. The Sacred Space of Brokenness

A series about starting over gently, honestly, and without apology

There is something sacred about the state of brokenness, and that’s not because it feels good. No! It doesn’t. In fact, it can be very painful, and pain sometimes wears different faces; physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, existential etc. What makes brokenness sacred is the fact that it’s honest. Brokenness strips away the masks, the pretense and its performance. When it sets in, it leaves you vulnerable, real and raw. That alone makes it sacred.

Pain can be diverse, wearing different faces.

1. Physical pain echoes through the body, it’s sharp, relentless and aching. It beckons for attention while grounding its victim.
2. Emotional pain strikes, like lightning. It’s sudden but raw and seems unforgettable. Emotional pain is like a flood, drilling memories and longing into the heart.
3. Psychological pain is like a framework, it lingers in the shadows, it shapes our thought realm and our coping faculty. It tries to dictate how we should rebuild, rewriting the stories we narrate to ourselves.
4. Spiritual pain is difficult to sight physically because it echoes in the spirit and soul. It’s a silence, an emptiness, a deep search within. Spiritual pain tosses questions at purpose, meaning and the connection to the divine. It questions God.
5. Social pain is like a sickle; it cuts and isolates like a locked door. This type of pain echoes via rejection, invisibility and exclusion. It is a reminder of how deeply we all crave and need each other.
6. Existential pain seems quiet but very deadly. It whispers in silence; it floods the heart with questions like “Who am I and Why am I here?” This pain troubles the ground beneath truth and identity.

In the sacred space of brokenness, to understand how healing works, we must first name the pain aching our being, only then can our ears begin to grasp the whispers of healing.

Like I said earlier, brokenness is sacred because it strips away the masks, the pretense and its performance. When it sets in, it leaves you vulnerable, real and raw. When a person is broken, he or she is not trying to fix anything. It’s a moment they are not struggling to be strong. This is the point where healing can begin to sprout, because healing doesn’t sprout from solutions, but with truth. Sitting with the truth is the foundation for healing.

Brokenness is a state of many pieces, shattered pieces. However, before you can gather your broken pieces, it is essential you first sit with them. You must name your broken pieces, but you can’t do that if you don’t sit with them. Remember, brokenness is a moment of honesty, and sitting with the truth is the foundation for true healing. That is where solutions are born, because you’re able to analyze your broken pieces, name them and understand them. You figure out what exactly broke within you? Was it your trust? Your reliance on faith? Your generosity? Your sense of belonging? Your identity? Etc.

Figuring what broke and why it broke can be super painful. To be honest, sitting with your broken pieces can be very painful, because you’re facing the current “Shattered you” as against “The usual you.”  You know who you were and used to be, but now, you’re sitting with what seems to be totally different, it’s like looking into the mirror and not recognizing what you see, even when you’re aware of the fact that what you’re seeing is yourself. Amid all these, you must analyze what broke, the process that broke it and why exactly it broke. This is a challenging task, considering your current state, however, it’s a necessary task for true healing. Sitting with your broken pieces is like facing your fears. You didn’t want the world to see you as weak, so you kept going in pretense, now you’re broken, left to face your broken pieces.

Sitting with your broken pieces and naming them is a threshold between collapse and restoration. It’s not a comfortable moment, but it’s a necessity. If you skip that step, you may think you’ve healed, but you’ll later find out what you did was rebuilding on a shaky ground. I’m sure you can imagine what will happen to a house built on a shaky ground, the level of discomfort and risk the inhabitants of that house will be exposed to.

Therefore, don’t rush. You don’t have to force yourself to be okay. You’re broken, allow yourself to sit with your broken pieces. Feel it but allow yourself to breathe. Then, when you’re ready, move to the next phase of true healing which is gathering your broken pieces together. This is work and note that it shouldn’t be to return to who you were, but to become someone better, deeper, stronger, and more whole.

Be careful, you’re ready when you’re ready. You will know, but sometimes, you can be ready even when you still have some fears. People close to you who have closely watched your process can let you know you’re ready. However, it shouldn’t be that people dictate to you when you “should be” ready. That shouldn’t be so because we individually respond to situations differently. Therefore, our timeframe of being ready differs.

Give Room, Let the Silence Speak.

When breaking sets in, silence is there, and within that silence is a moment of truth. Your own voice begins to whisper to you again. Not the voice that was carved by expectations, the voice you begin to hear is the one that was suppressed. The ache you’ve been running away from suddenly engulfs you. You begin to notice the pieces of your life you have been hiding for so long. We can call this “The Holy Ground of Brokenness.” That is not because it feels great, but because it’s real. Healing begins within the confines of “Real.”

Therefore, give room and let the silence speak. You’re broken, allow the collapse to be honored. Let your brokenness breathe but be careful of the path you choose to plod. You’re not weak because you broke, you’re simply human and worthy of restoration. Amid your brokenness, choose the path of restoration, not the path of irrational decisions.

Remember, JS Havilah cares about you, yes, you!

Part 10 of THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS is quietly on its way.

Come back for every installment.
Come back to remember you are not alone.
Come back, not to catch up, but to catch your breath.

Still becoming,

JS Havilah