THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS: Part 8. Breaking: The Quiet Collapse

Part 8. Breaking: The Quiet Collapse

A series about starting over gently, honestly, and without apology

Having previously explored "The Breaking Point," it’s time to uncover what comes next, and why it matters. Something deeper comes to life when weariness is downplayed; a fracture is born. It’s not the kind that screams, but the kind that whispers, “I cannot do this anymore.” When this transpires, many don’t notice they have broken until they try to stand and realize they are in pieces.

It’s crucial to discuss The Breaking, which is the moment of a quiet collapse. This discussion is crucial because healing only resonates when the pain has been acknowledged.

When weariness is not taken seriously, it doesn’t disappear. It digs deeper, it settles into the bones, into the breath, into the spaces between thoughts. A silent weight it becomes. We tolerate it, we ignore it and make it seem normal. We keep going, continue smiling, and keep functioning. What we don’t notice is the fact that underneath all these, something is fraying, something is wearing out.

The breaking point then sets in, that fragile border, the verge between holding on and letting go. That’s the moment pressure becomes unbearable. The moment the soul begins to tremble under the overload. At this point, you haven’t snapped yet, but you’re dangerously close. This is the moment you feel it in your chest; you feel it even in your silence. Your prayers begin to grow shorter, and your laughter feels stolen. This moment is just The Breaking Point, not The Breaking itself. You have laid an egg, and this is its incubation period.

However, when the breaking point is ignored or not properly attended to, you say to yourself “It’s well, I’m fine.” This continues for a while, but you keep pushing until you eventually push past the warning signs. Then, something deeper begins to stir within you. The incubation period is over; The Break itself hatches. Not with a blast, neither does it hatch with a scream. It’s a whisper, a quiet collapse. At this point, the body continues to move, but its soul is quiet. This is usually not a dramatic moment, it’s usually silent. A slow unraveling, a private breakdown. Invincible to everyone, except the one living it.

The quiet collapse is a moment when the pressure goes beyond pressing, it crushes. The weight of everything carried by your shoulder finally exceeds its capacity to hold them in place. You’re not crying, neither are you screaming; however, you just stop and realize something in you has given way. You’re no longer holding everything together, what you’re holding are the pieces.

When someone breaks, he or she might continue showing up, working, smiling and even laughing. However, when he or she looks deep within, there’s a realization that something has shifted. They’re no longer okay, and they know it. The strength they usually rely on has gone on a compulsory journey of silence. The faith they once clung to now feels distant, and their hope seems irrelevant.

When you notice all these in your life, you’re already breaking. You have gone past the breaking point, you have pushed past the warning signs, and now, you’re breaking. It can feel horrible because you feel like you’ve lost everything including yourself.

The Truth About the Moment You Break

When you’re no longer holding things together, when you discover you’re no longer pretending, you’re just broken. Many times, you want to explain it, but you lose track of your thought process. You want to cry but you don’t even know how to, the tears are not forthcoming. You realize you have broken, but the most terrifying thing is that you don’t know what to do with the pieces. All you know is that something has changed within you, and it seems as though you can’t go back to who you were.

The Truth: You are broken, yes! However, that is not the end. The quiet collapse is the start of something sacred. You finally have the power to halt, to stop performing, stop pretending and stop bearing what was never yours to bear.

What Breaking Looks Like

We need to be careful because breaking doesn’t look the same for everyone. Let’s explore some signs of breaking.

1. Isolation

Some people pull away when they’re broken. They just want to be away from everyone and everything. They don’t answer calls, nor do they reply to messages. They stop showing up, and this is not because they don’t care, it’s just that they no longer have the energy to pretend. They pull away and just drown in their isolation.

2. Numbness

For some, when broken, they don’t feel joy, nor do they feel sadness. Pain is not something they feel, they’re just there, existing, breathing, active but not living. This sign can be difficult to spot; however, such an individual must be sincere with himself or herself when they realize this.

3. Rage

Many express their moment of breaking via rage. They suddenly explode after several months or years of silence. They lash out on others not because they’re angry at them, but because they’re angry at themselves, angry with the depth of silence within them. This sign can be very toxic.

4. Disconnection from purpose

Some people, when they break, they lose touch with their very essence of living. They lose touch with who they are, what they believe in and what they love. Most times they look into the mirror and who they see is someone they don’t recognize. Sometimes they hear their own voice but wonder when their voice stopped sounding like them.

When you see some persons exhibiting some of these signs, don’t be quick to judge them because you don’t know their story, and even if you do know their story, you’re not in their shoe, and even if you feel you’re or have been in their shoe, you have to know that the same shoe sometimes pinch differently and people react differently. Therefore, who made you a judge over them?

Don’t forget, we previously established the fact that weariness is not weakness. Even when it graduates into the breaking point and when the breaking point graduates into the actual breaking, it’s still not a weakness. The fact that you broke does not mean you’re weak. You’re not a failure. What happened is just your body, soul and spirit declaring, “I’ve reached my limit.” Now, this is not something to be ashamed of, rather, it’s something to be honoured.

Never give yourself to lies that been broken is the end. No! That’s a lie. There’s a whole lot of great things ahead of you. Don’t take irrational decisions because you’re broken. Being broken is an opportunity to see some things the way they are, and with your experience, you become a better person to help others. You now have a sharp eye for nuance; a subtle or a slight difference in meaning, tone, feeling or expression. The minute detail that can be easy to miss but makes a huge sense and impact when noticed. You become the person with the sharp eye to pick those minute details, especially in people.

Yes, you saw the signs and ignored them, now you’re broken, but with experience. Therefore, I say to you, “Find true healing, step out and let your experience speak, not your brokenness.”

Remember, JS Havilah cares about you, yes, you!

Part 9 of THE ART OF QUIET COMEBACKS is quietly on its way.

Come back for every installment.
Come back to remember you are not alone.
Come back, not to catch up, but to catch your breath.

Still becoming,

JS Havilah